How Therapy Can Help Overachievers Find Balance
I wonder if this sounds like you. You are a high achiever, driven, and goal-directed. You strive to be the best that you can be, your ambition is off the charts, and you are constantly moving towards success. But lately, it seems as if everything feels so heavy and there is an incredible amount of pressure to outdo yourself.
Relatable? You are definitely not alone. It seems like being an overachiever would be a good thing, right? Sure, there are some positives, but what about the challenges? This is where therapy comes in. In this blog, we will take a look at how therapy might be just what an overachiever like you might need. We are going to tackle the delicate balance between ambition and overall well-being.
Understanding Overachievement
So, what exactly is an overachiever? An overachiever is someone who performs beyond expectations. They often have extremely high standards and rarely feel they have met expectations. For you, maybe that means you are extremely driven and determined, and have a don’t quit/won’t quit attitude. Perfectionism is the essence of who you are; anything less is not a possibility or a consideration. But while your ambition might take you places, at what cost? Too much drive to succeed often leads to stress, burnout, and a relentless feeling of never being “enough.”
As an overachiever, you have high standards for yourself. There is nothing that you won’t push yourself for, whether it is your career, school, or personal goals you have set for yourself. However, ultimately it will take a toll on your mental and physical well-being, and then you are left feeling like an exhausted, overwhelmed, irritable mess.
The Overachiever's Dilemma
Now, you are in a bit of a pickle – SHOCKER. You are trying to coordinate about a zillion different projects, trying to make each one more perfect than the next. But underneath all of that perceived success, is a huge pile of self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and fear of failure. And boundaries – yeah, right. I don’t think so…
Common Challenges for Overachievers
Imposter Syndrome: Regardless of all of your achievements and accolades, you still sometimes feel like a fraud, afraid that people will find out the truth — GASP – your perceived shortcomings. When imposter syndrome kicks in, you are left feeling like a “fraud” or a “phony.”
Fear of Failure: Do you ever feel like you are working harder and harder and sort of spinning your wheels? The possibility that you aren’t going to meet up to some kind of unattainable expectation can be paralyzing. Unfortunately, you believe that the only answer is to keep pushing yourself beyond your max because it is the only possible way to avoid disappointment.
Perfectionism: Striving for excellence is a perfectly acceptable goal. Striving for perfection can lead to unrealistic standards, self-criticism, and a never-ending cycle of dissatisfaction. But really, who determines the definition of perfect? Is it really even a thing?
Difficulty Setting Boundaries: You are so used to saying “yes” to every single opportunity that comes your way that you can’t even imagine being able to say “no.” But because you don’t say no, you are left feeling overwhelmed and stretched way too thin, negatively impacting your well-being in the process.
Why Therapy?
At this point, you might be nodding along to everything you are reading and saying “Yeah, so – it’s working for me. Why would I possibly need therapy?” But, is it though? Therapy is a safe space to deal with all of your crap, explore your fears, and learn healthier ways to manage stress. I talk in therapy all of the time about people being fancy houseplants – we need food, water, some fresh air, and a little sunlight. The fancy part includes a little movement and exercise as well, so think of therapy as your way of getting a little movement for your emotional muscles and a workout plan for building resilience.
Benefits of Therapy for Overachievers
Support and Validation: It is really hard work to be an overachiever. Sometimes, it is painful to feel like you are in this entirely alone. You might even get resentful that others aren’t working as hard as you or that they aren’t putting in as much effort as you are. Therapy offers a safe, non-judgmental space to really dig into your thoughts and feelings, without fear of criticism or rejection. Your therapist is there to validate your experiences and offer unconditional support as you explore your own life’s challenges.
Perspective and Insight: Therapists can see things from a different perspective. That alternate perspective allows them to offer insights you likely have not considered. In working with your therapist, you will get the opportunity to really dig into your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, allowing you to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and connect the dots about your patterns of thinking and relating to others.
Coping Strategies: What if you had the necessary tools and strategies to effectively manage stress, anxiety, and the other challenges associated with overachievement? From relaxation techniques, setting boundaries, or challenging negative thought patterns, therapy offers you the practical tools and strategies you need to truly take better control of both your personal and professional life.
Self-Exploration and Growth: Therapy is all about you! It is a safe space for self-discovery and personal growth. By really digging deep and exploring who you are, truly identifying your goals, values, and aspirations, you will find out what truly matters to you and how to get there.
Therapy Myths Debunked
Some real doozies are floating around about therapy. I can’t tell you the number of times I have been told that therapy is only for “crazy” people. Ummm, NOT TRUE. Therapy is for everyone – especially the people who want to live their best life. I know it might be hard to believe, but that includes overachievers like you! Let me help you trash some of those stereotypes so that you can see the true benefits that therapy has to offer.
• Myth #1: Therapy is only for people with serious mental health issues
- Reality – Therapy is for ANYONE! Many people choose therapy to focus on and improve their overall emotional well-being. They choose to learn more about who they are and what makes them tick. Through therapy, they realize that even though they believe what they have been doing is working for them, there are often tools and coping strategies that can help make things better.
• Myth #2: Therapy is a sign of weakness
- Reality – In actuality, it is the exact opposite. Recognizing that you would benefit from therapy and choosing to participate is a sign of true courage and strength. There is no greater sign of courage than recognizing when you need help and taking the necessary steps toward self-improvement. Some of the strongest people I know are those who have taken the time to work out their “demons” in therapy.
• Myth #3: Therapy is just talking about problems endlessly.
- Reality – sure, talking about problems is a part of the therapy journey, but it is not the only focus. Truthfully, it would drive me bonkers to only focus on problems all day long. Therapy is a process of working together with your therapist to identify your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, learning more about who you are both inside and out, and learning effective coping strategies to help manage when life gets tough. Look, we all know it will get tough. Isn’t it better to be prepared and have strategies and tools to help deal with it?
• Myth #4: Therapy is a quick fix.
- Reality – Therapy is a process and definitely not a quick fix. Ideally, you will learn some quick and easy strategies to help right away, but therapy takes time, effort, and commitment to see true change. With some hard work and dedication, therapy offers significant and lasting benefits.
Let's Talk Techniques
You might be asking yourself, “What can therapy do for me?” SO MUCH! But, for starters, with therapy, you will learn skills to challenge your perfectionism, learn self-compassion, and set realistic and attainable goals. While several different techniques might be used, we are going to talk about just a couple of them.
• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT):
- CBT is a super effective approach that teaches you to identify and challenge your negative thought patterns. By reframing your thinking and identifying healthier perspectives, you will learn to manage your thoughts and emotions more effectively.
• Mindfulness and Meditation:
- Strategies like meditation and deep breathing help bring you back to the present moment, thereby reducing stress and anxiety. Anxiety and stressful thoughts can be likened to a snowball rolling down a hill. With every roll it takes, it collects more snow becoming bigger and bigger. Anxiety and stressful thinking work the same way. If we don’t find a way to stop it in its tracks, then the worries about being perfect or “just so” continue to get bigger and bigger. When you learn to ground yourself in the moment, you can jam the snowball (i.e., the overthinking and perfectionism) so it can’t continue to grow and get out of hand, thus slowing down your thinking and finding a bit of peace and clarity.
• Stress Management Techniques:
- Being an overachiever and feeling stress seem to go hand and hand. However, if you learn effective stress management techniques you will be more equipped to cope more effectively with life’s challenges. Some examples of stress management techniques include progressive muscle relaxation, guided imagery, and time management skills. Learning these tools will help to reduce your overall feelings of stress, increase your resilience, and improve your overall functioning.
• Self-Compassion Practices:
- All people have a running commentary in their heads. Unfortunately for overachievers, you tend to be your own worst critic. That voice is often wrought with negative self-talk and harsh statements about what you are doing wrong or how you aren’t measuring up. However, by learning self-compassion, you will be able to stop that cycle of self-criticism and perfectionism. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could be as nurturing and kind to yourself as you are to others? Why do you deserve less than the minimum that you offer to a stranger?
Conclusion
Let’s be realistic though, therapy is no joke. Therapy is not just for “the weak-minded.” Therapy is for everyone – EVEN YOU! So, if you are feeling overwhelmed by the weight of your own need to be perfect or to be everything for everyone, then it is time to give therapy a try. You might surprise yourself and find that you can have it all – balance, fulfillment, and a feeling of calm and peace.
Ready to give it a go? I specialize in helping overachievers just like you. Reach out to schedule your free consultation and let’s get started figuring out how to take care of you, so you can continue to take care of those who are most important to you. There is a reason that they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first – how about we put your oxygen mask on? You do not have to do this alone. I am here to support you every step of the way.
